Hello. My name is Bond, Chica Bond. When I saw my photos on the website, I decided to take charge of my description, because frankly, I have nothing to do with what they wrote there. I’m not a dog, I’m a secret agent. I don’t understand why it doesn’t say so anywhere.

I’m going to protect you from everything, because I have the necessary intelligence, love, and energy, in large quantities. That includes: mice, lizards, cockroaches, tarantulas, and if necessary, any impertinent human out there. If a cat or a dog in the street were to attack you, I’d protect you too, because I don’t really like them much, although I do love my canine colleagues at the secret agent academy.

Among my more specialized skills, I know how to open doors, in case you get stuck. I’m not asking for much in terms of salary: a few squeaky toys, a ball or two to chase now and then, and some chicken-foot treats would be fine. Will you hire me?